Hello YouTubers this is Tang Lung speaking. We are on the third of our series of live streamed ghost hunts. Let’s hope it will be more successful than the last two. Our preparations have been made and now it is up to the spirits. My colleague tonight is Professor Liu of Peking. He is the most celebrated investigator of psychic phenomena in the world and I am very proud to be his collaborator.
We are in a three-bedroom flat in Taylor Wimpey’s The Denizen development. We aren’t far from the ancient heart of the City of London, although we are outside the original city wall, and those selling the flats rather bamboozled investors about The Denizen’s actual location. We have chosen this luxury apartment block for our ghost hunt because it has a truly terrible history. Since it was built last year there are records of no less than thirty suicides in or from it, and there may well have been more.
The Denizen’s first occupant was a prosperous Shanghai merchant, and a very bad hat, it appears; glutton, wine-bibber and other undesirable things, including a very bad husband. His wife stood his cruelties and infidelities as long as she could and then hanged herself in a bedroom closet, so initiating a terrible sequence of events.
I used the expression “suicides in and from it,” because while some have shot themselves and some hanged themselves, no less than nine have done a very strange thing. They have risen from their beds during the night and flung themselves to their death on the pavements of Golden Lane, Fann Street and Brackley Street, which surround the building. To date no one has killed themselves by falling to Viscount Street but then the Jewin Welsh Church rather gets in the way for those that might want to do that. The last Hong Kong investor to do this did so last week. He was heard shouting as he fell splat onto Golden Lane. The owner of the flat we’re in tells me people simply will not stay in this luxury apartment complex and letting agents will not keep properties within it on their books.
The owner of this flat will not visit it himself for very good reasons he declares. He will not tell us what those reasons are. He wishes us to have an absolutely open mind on the subject, as it were. And he declares that if the Professor’s verdict is unfavorable, he and his fellow property investors will petition the local City of London council for permission pull down the apartment block and rebuild it. One can understand that, for it almost seems to merit the label “Death Trap.”
That is sufficient introduction. I think I have convinced you The Denizen certainly merits investigation, but we cannot guarantee to deliver the goods or the ghosts, which have an awkward habit of taking a night off when we go hunting for them. And now to business. You can see the furniture is shrouded in white protective covers. The walls are bereft of pictures because I’m told any that are put up fall to the floor where they smash. The electric lights in this flat have been switched off, but our infrared camera will catch anything worth seeing. I shall remain here with our recording equipment, while the Professor roams the building in search of what he may find. He will not have a camera as they distract him and he has a habit, so he says, of talking to himself while conducting these investigations. He will return to me as soon as he has anything to report. Is that all clear? Well, then, here is the Professor to say a few words to you before he sets forth on his tour of discovery. Professor Liu.
Ladies and gentlemen this is Professor Liu. This building is without doubt impregnated with evil. It affects one profoundly. It is bad, bad, bad! It is soaked in evil and reeking with emanations from a wicked past when this area was one of ill repute. The neighbourhood was once overrun by prostitutes and other criminals. Golden Lane long housed the City morgue. Furthermore this luxury apartment block is built on top of a plague pit. It must be pulled down, I assure you. I do not think it affects my friend, Mr. Lung, in the same way, but he is not psychic, not mediumistic, as I am! Now shall we see ghosts, spirits? Ah, that I cannot say! But they are here and they are evil, that is sure. I can feel their presence. There may be danger. I shall soon know. And now I shall trot off. Presently I will come back and tell you what I have seen, or if not seen, felt and perhaps suffered. Remember we can summon spirits with our occult science, but will they come when we call for them? We shall see.
Well YouTubers, I’m sure if anyone can summon spirits for our live stream, it’s the Professor. You must have found those few words far more impressive than anything I said. That was an expert speaking on what he knows. Personally as I’m alone here in this silent and empty luxury apartment block, they didn’t have a very reassuring effect on me. In fact, he wasn’t quite correct when he said this place didn’t affect me at all. I don’t find it a cheerful spot by any means. You can be sure of that. I may not be psychic but I’ve certainly got a sort of feeling it doesn’t want us here, resents us, and would like to see the back of us. Or else!
I felt that way as soon as I entered the front lobby. One had to wade through the hostility. I’m not kidding or trying to raise your hopes. It’s very quiet here YouTubers. I’m having a look around the room I’m in. The lamp I’ve put on casts some queer shadows. There is an odd one near the wall by the door, but I realise now it must be a reflection from a bookcase. I know that’s what it is because I peeped under the dust cover when I first came in. It’s a very fine shelving unit. It’s queer to think of you all watching me. I shouldn’t really mind if I had some of you for company. The owner of the flat told us we should probably hear the wind rattling the windows. Well I can certainly hear that now.
What else is there to tell you? Nothing very much, except that there’s a bat in the flat. I think it must be a bat and not a bird. I haven’t actually seen it, only its shadow as it flew past the wall just now, and then it fanned past my face. I don’t know much about bats, but I thought they went to bed in the winter. This, one must suffer from insomnia. Ah there it is again. It actually touched me as it passed. Now I can hear the Professor moving about on the roof terrace. I don’t suppose you can. Have a try. Now listen carefully. Hello! Did you hear that! He must have knocked over a chair or something—a heavy chair from the sound of it. I wonder if he’s having any luck.
There’s that bat again. Each time it just touches my face with its wing as it passes. They’re smelly things bats. I don’t think they wash themselves often enough. This one smells kind of rotten. I wonder what the Professor knocked over because I can see a small stain forming on the ceiling. Perhaps it was a flowerpot or something? Hello! Did you hear that sharp crack? I think you must have. The concrete stretching, I suppose, but it was almost ear-splitting in here. Something ran across my foot, a rat perhaps? I’ve always loathed rats. Most people do. That stain on the ceiling has grown quite a lot. I think I’ll just go to the door and shout to the Professor to make sure he’s all right. You’ll hear me shout and his answer, I expect.
Professor! Professor! Well, he didn’t answer. I believe he’s a little bit deaf. But he’s sure to be all right. I won’t try again just yet as I know he likes being undisturbed on these occasions. I’ll sit down again for a minute or two. I’m afraid this is rather dull for you live streamers. I’m not finding it so but then of course—there, I heard him cough. Did you hear that cough, viewers, a very throaty double cough? It seemed to come from—I wonder if he’s crept down and is having a little fun with me because, I tell you this place is beginning to get on my nerves. I wouldn’t live in it for a pension, a very large pension. Get away you brute! That bat! Faugh! It stinks. Now listen carefully.
Can you hear those rats? Having a game of soccer from the sound of it. I wonder if you can hear them? I really shall be quite glad to get out of here. I can quite imagine those staying in this apartment block doing themselves in. Saying to themselves this isn’t much of a life. All weird disturbances and worry and seeing other people die. Why not end it all by jumping off a balcony or the roof terrace? I’m not being very cheerful am I? It’s this darned luxury apartment block. Those other two places we investigated didn’t worry me a bit, but this—I wonder what the Professor’s doing besides coughing. I can’t quite make that cough out because—get away you brute!
That bat will be the death of me! Death of me! Death of me! I’m glad I’ve got you to talk to YouTubers but I wish you could answer back. I’m beginning to dislike the sound of my own voice. After a time, if you’ve been talking in a room alone, you get fanciful. Have you ever noticed that? You sort of think you can hear someone talking back. There! No of course you couldn’t have heard it because it wasn’t there. Just in my head. Just subjective, that’s the word. That’s the word. Very odd. That was me laughing. Well live streamers I’m afraid this is awfully dull for you. Not for me though, not for me! No ghosts so far, unless the Professor is having better luck. There! You must have heard that! What a crack that concrete makes when it expands! You must have heard that YouTubers! Better than nothing! Ha! Ha! Professor! Professor! Phew, what an echo!
Now YouTubers, I’m going to stop talking for a moment. I don’t suppose you’ll mind. Let’s see if we can hear anything. …
Did you hear it? I’m not exactly sure what it was. I wonder if you heard it? The building shook a little and the windows rattled. I’ll go on talking. I wonder how long I can endure the atmosphere of this place? It’s bringing me down. Gosh that stain has grown. The one on the ceiling! It’s actually starting to drip. I mean form bubbles. They’ll start dropping soon. Coloured bubbles apparently. I wonder if the Professor is okay? That shadow has moved. Shadows do make odd patterns you must have noticed that! This one might be a body lying on its face with its arms stretched out. Cheerful aren’t I! An aunt of mine gassed herself as a matter of fact. Well, I don’t know why I told you that. Not quite in the script.
Professor! Professor!’ Where is that darned old man? I shall certainly advise the owners of these luxury apartments to have them pulled down. Emphatically. I must go upstairs in a minute or two and see what’s happened to the Professor. I was telling you about Auntie… Do you know what live streamers? I really believe I’ll go completely crackers if I stay here much longer. Absolutely stark staring mad! You can’t see it but the atmosphere here wears you down. That’s exactly it. I’m afraid this is all awfully dull for you YouTubers. I should click on something else if I were you. What’s in your side bar? I mean it! Watch a TED Talk or something! There, what did I tell you! That stain’s really started to drip drops of something! I’ll go and catch one on my hand . . .
Good God! Professor! Professor! Professor! Now then up them stairs and onto the roof terrace! Here we go! Well, gentlemen, good evening! What have you done with the Professor? I know he’s dead. See his blood on my hand? What have you done with him? Make way, please, gentlemen. What have you done with him? Do you want me to sing it, Tra-la-la! Watch an Alex Jones video you fools! Well if this isn’t too darned funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Can you hear me laughing like a lunatic?
YouTubers watch something else you cucks! That can’t be him lying there. He hadn’t a red beard! Don’t crowd round me gentlemen! Don’t crowd me I tell you! What do you want me to do? You want me to jump off the roof, don’t you! Ha! Ha! Now? Will you come with me? Come on, then! Off the roof! Off the roof!